Mithunloy's Blog

“No , you cant go to wagamon.Its not a place meant for girls and you cant go there without your parents”, my mom shouted at my sister.We were on a short holiday to our native place in Kotayam.A couple of my cousins(all boys) were planning to go to wagamon and we thought of taking my sister along.

My sister turned from red to violet.But she decided to put up a fight.After a long and boring lecture on ‘vulnerablities of todays women’ orated with TV serial dialogues , my mom decided to give in. My sister could go.But we need to be back home by 6 PM.

I ve always wondered how it feels to be a woman.Im neither a feminist nor a male chauvanist.But sometimes I really empathise with the state of women in our country – esp in a very highly literate and educated community like the Keralites.There seems to be a list of constraints;a series of connected conditions;a set of predefined portfolios , based only on which a lady/girl/woman should act.A girl should be kept safe from pervert men.Of course I agree to it.But I defer with the means to ensure her safety.If a boy can enjoy the evening sun at the beach,the scenic beauty of the hill station- along with his friends, why cannot a girl? All her entertainment usually ends at the main gates of her house.Otherwise, she needs to be with her parents – wherein there will be additional conditions for how she should be carryin herself;how she should dress up.Gosh!!..The list is long.

I have always been an observer – of people.Of course I never miss a good view of the hot chick in office, like any other man does..But otherwise, I like to observe people and their behavior patterns.Many a times i have tried to categorise people based on their behavior patterns.I started with the basic separation – Men and Women. To be frank , I found the most random of behavior patterns in men in general , while i could get a pretty good categorisation with the women.Lets start with the ladies first, as it is my topic for today.Consider the simple process of walking to the restroom.Women always prefer to go there in a group.Albeit being in dire enmity with the group ,they behave as if they have come together for a common cause, forgetting all the strained relations.Is it the nurtured fear that there might be a pervert man hiding in the restroom and they are getting ready to fight him down??.. I dont know.But somehow , I find that many things that women do are suposed to be focused on ‘self help’ against men.

Men on the other hand are extremely random.They dont mind who is in the restroom-except of course if its a lady!My point is , they dont seem to have a hidden agenda for simple things.No Im not in fora debate on who is better , man or woman.I agree there are innumerable bad things that men do.But thats not my focus today.

Coming back to our topic, I feel that even though education and liberalism has freed a lot of premonitions from our women , the yesteryear generation still holds on to some ‘abnormal’ beliefs and prejudices.And i am currently observing a fight between the current generation and the previous – simply put, between  my mom and my sister.My sister belongs to the generation of ‘living relation ships’,gender equality and mixed college hostels.Though these are still alien to Kerala and probably the rural south India till the borderline of Bangalore, what if she goes out and starts living in a place like Delhi.She is always taught to be wary enough while dealing with boys.She cant invite her male class mates home.Its still a taboo.And the last time she did , my neighbour aunty created a furore calling up my mom’s cellphone at her workplace.I feel that we are just fuelling the urge within our ladies to break free , when we put more and more conditions on them;more and more constraints. One of my girl cousins got herself in to a culture shock and later into depression when she went to pursue her graduation in a college in Delhi.She couldnt adjust with all the things that girls around her did!.

Of course I dont agree with all the living relations and the assosciated consequences of it, but my point is , let us give more freedom to our girl children, our teen sisters, Let them go out and enjoy with their friends.I find that my sister is old and bold enough to understand that eve teasing is a ‘mania’ and that a strong stare back at the oggler will give him the fear of his life.And If not my mom,come what may, I have given her the permission to slap the pervert man in the bus, in the train , if at all he thinks of mischief.And my dear ladies, please understand that all men arent looking for an ‘opportunity’.I know i need not even tell this to todays young generation as they know all their friends in and out.But this is a request to the older and narrow minded people who think all of us are up to some mischief.Of course , we respect the experience and wisdom of your age, but lets understand that the better equipped your daughters are to deal with a situation, the more chances that they will be able to help themselves when they are faced with a situation.

Lets give more freedom to the girl child.Let her not stare out of her window and envy the boys playing outside.

PS: The first time i saw a lady smoking was in Inorbit mall,Malad,Mumbai.As me and my friend finished one fag each , she had finished 4 and was on to finishing a whole packet while she finished with the big novel she was reading.We couldnt digest it and left the place.Well , the other side of liberalism?or too much liberalism maybe…

Why do we remember things?From a simple act of remembering the MTV channel number in my TV remote , to complex equations and terrifying derivations during B Tech , I was, is and continues to be ‘forced’ to remember a billion things a day.Why do we have memories?Why do we remember some things and forget many others?

I don’t have any scientific knowledge of the human brain or the way it works. But boy!! isn’t it one hell of a genius?.And if there is somebody who designed it, I think he is a ‘Wacko’!!So often,I get lost in my thoughts – when i work, when i drive(sometimes yes, i admit it!! ), even sometimes when im shaving!!Why do we really have memories?If at all we do, Why are the bad ones remembered more often than the pretty ones..?

Today, one of my school time friend had updated a few photos of our batch in orkut. And my mind went into this traffic jam! Moments,Pictures,Classrooms,School assembly and what not.There was this mad rush of memories.After a long time, my mind was sumptuously relishing on some good memories.The big football ground, the group songs,the trees,the adult jokes (some of theme were bitter!! ) 🙂 … I had a nice time..Those were really the best days of my life.

But my point for today is not this.Where are these good frames gone everyday?The good memories always need a trigger, while the bad ones are there persistently.The bad Query in the database,the ugly manager in office,the policeman who booked you for not wearing the helmet, even the stale curry you had for lunch – all these keep coming to your mind.And your brain is constantly marinating these in a huge frying pan  and making it into a sauce ,enough to prepare ‘food for your thoughts’ for the next day. Why cant we keep remembering the good things and just dump off the bad ones,the ones which keep us in constant fight with ourselves

When there is a disaster in your life, the mantra is to “move on”.This phrase is the topper in the free advise list.But the worst part of moving on are these bad memories.Events, dejavus, frames.photos – there are a milion of these which brings in thoughts of those  chapters in your life you never want to remember.But they keep coming on.And the sad reality is you really cannot stop them from coming to you.The more hectic you are, the lesser you get time to remember.The more focus you have , the lesser you deviate from it and run into these thoughts.I remember somebody suggesting yoga for getting rid of nightmare.Phew!! I really get the jerks when i think of these people winding themselves into ‘aasanas’. But i realize yoga is very good for a disturbed mind.

Eventually, the whole life is lived out in the ultimate “pursuit of happyness”. Every day , every moment, every situation finally leads into that single point of abstractness.The merrier you get yourself into , the better equipped you are to drive away the bad thoughts.Sounds like the great war in the utopia , but thats the truth!!

Dec 30,

A vast majority of us humans believe that everything that happens in the world is being created by some invisible energy;the almighty; the creator.The manifestations of it being the idols, the chapels,the mosques. I believe in the creator, but i ignore the manifestations.No,today iam not speaking about religion and fundamentalism…But I am amazed by the way the creator has maneuvered His hand in everything that happens around us.Not just in the beauty of the physical beings that exist in the world, but even in their minds . By the word ‘mind’ I imply any virtual space;any abstract form of space that exists within any physical being – It could be humans,animals or even the trees and the flowers around.

Last saturday morning , I was surprised to find my mom unusually unhappy.The breakfast was a meager bread and some potato curry left over from the previous night .And there was this visible aroma of depression emanating from the kitchen side.So I enquired..”Amma, Is somebody dead in this house?”.To my surprise, she said “Yes”!!..For a moment i thought i had overslept after the friday night booze that I was unawakened by a major catastrophe like this.But to my relief it wasn’t that bitter.

My servant’s goat had passed away!I use the term ‘passed away’ to purposely  respect it the way  we respect a human death.On  a saturday morning, with hangover from the weekend party and booze , this was a joke that sent me into peels of laughter. My sister joined the party with giggles in between the toothbrush stuck in her mouth.Soon i realized this was something serious.My mom gestured to her spoilt children to stop laughing and maintain some silence.Okay, this was news to me.I had never  noticed the grey haired,dark and low spoken lady in my home.And why would the death of her goat affect my mom in any way?

The lady was hired by our family from an organization which supplies maid servants to households in the locality.She had three children – all adults and with their families.So, i guessed it right.She was abandoned by them at her age of late 60’s.Like any other grandma, she dint have a choice than to earn her living.Her only friend,property and relative was her goat.She never took it with her to her workplace.But i guessed it was well fed and looked after.My mom asked us to lower the volume of the tv.She might also have had a horrific feeling of a similar life when she would turn 60.

As we all know, every other maid servant might have a similar story behind her.But what took me to surprise is the affection, the hope , the sense of belonging, the feeling of love that can exist even between a woman and a goat.The two educated,adult creatures in the house – me and my sister are perfect examples of how we ignore the love and affection surrounding us.The love we know is the one that exists between the couples in the park;between Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor.So we scoff when someone mourns at the death of a goat.

We never lend a ear to any such subtle revelations.Rather we are not ready to lend one.We are all busy with our own lives.Project release dates,deadlines and a million other similar reasons keep us from going back to the tiny village and staying with our dear grandma or grandpa – They do not complain.they do not make a noise.but they just wish if the family was with them, for Christmas,for Onam,for Id.But we never care ,do we?

Scrap off a couple of those important meetings.Bunk the sessions.Ease the pressure.Take a leave and visit those old and lovely people back there, by the side of the river, in that good old house, where you had fun and frolic as a little kid – innocent,carefree and joyful.

Mourn for the death of the poor little  goat.

Dec 28 monday…

I ve been thinking for the last 20 minutes,trying to cook up something as  my first post.. 🙂 .. finally i ve decided i should write something true in here.. I woke up today morning and decided i would not go to office .Ever since i ve been a part of the IT fraternity, I ve had this feeling that a good part of my brain hasn’t been working. So i overslept;Had a good look at the newspaper; Read even the obituary columns.Had a heavy breakfast and listened to some of my favourite AR Rahman tracks. Currently , I am scoffing at all those dreadful and vacuous mails in my office mail inbox. Aah..Monday morning has never been so peaceful !!

My friend Mathew suggested this site for a startup blogger like me.And that too you dont need to pay for publishing your thoughts.Being a mallu , I  fell for the ‘free blog’ part at once and decided this is going to be my first one.

As of today, I would define my life as somewhere close to a ‘normal’ one with pretty stormy turbulences and cascades of late.I haven’t ever tried my best at writing before – the last one being an English essay at school. Its been only since the recent months that I’ve started noticing blogs and the way they exist to help people realize themselves as well as others around them.So my aim is not to get too far way from the madding crowd , but to train my brain to get out of the dormancy it has been going through for the past couple of years.

Let me start from the roots today and let me be straight at it..

Why do people do all the things that they do?.In school , they taught us to deal with simple situations like how to stand in  the assembly.How to wish ‘Good morning’ when the teacher comes in.We have been nurtured to act and behave in a specific way to face the fearsome and dangerous ‘big big world’ outside. So even 10 years after we left our school, we still wish our boss good morning – even if we sometimes never mean it.I am in search of the answers to many similar questions on the way humans behave.Of course i am not here to try and find the reason why America is still at war with the middle east for the Oil – because i have larger and worse issues next to my home..in my town , in my city…at my workplace.

If you are the kind who has a lot of questions..about the things that go unnoticed in your daily life;about why humans behave the way they do..about why some very normal and redundant things are the way they are; and you really feel you want to change them all..for helping yourselves..and the people around you..then spend some time reading this.. I think a lot when i m alone..and get lost in my thoughts.. So if you happen to strike a chord with what i am saying , then send in your thoughts as well.. lets discuss them.. lets find the answers..

see you all soon…