My experience with the 15 commitments has been catastrophic. My spouse, a business leader, read the book first and found a conscious leadership coach. He embraced these commitments with eagerness and began to implement them in his life. Within a month, our marriage dynamics were radically changed. We stopped being able to resolve arguments or repair connection. Empathy, respect, and warmth evaporated.
9 months later my spouse began to recognize the harm being done. He stopped practicing many of the commitments and significantly changed his ways of practicing others. We went to several months of therapy. He began to see how the commitments had negatively affected other parts of his life (parenting, faith). Misappropriation was certainly an issue as well.
We both can see some good things in this book. There are certainly kernels of truth, and he has integrated certain commitments, like integrity and play, but others (candor, responsibility, approval, exploring the opposite, genius) were disastrous. This ideology encourages readers to see life happening "by me" and turn inward when dealing with conflict rather than pursuing peacemaking and mutuality. It encourages self-centered thinking and living. Intimate relationships may sacrifice gentle vulnerability for careless bluntness (candor can operate as a free pass for contemptuous speech). Individuals may become island-like as they resolve all difficulties autonomously through intentional self-deception. They may dismiss the legitimate pain of others as self-inflicted drama.
If you read this book, please balance it out with listening and caring for those around you. Also, pay attention to the way the authors use shame to convince you --that if you don't adopt their self-centered philosophy, you must not really be committed to growth.
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