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How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series) Kindle Edition

by Joanna Faber (Author), Julie King (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 9,636 ratings
See all formats and editions
OVER HALF A MILLION COPIES SOLD

A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.”

For nearly forty years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele’s daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk’s powerful communication skills to parents of children ages two to seven.

Faber and King, each a parenting expert in her own right, share their wisdom accumulated over years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents, teachers, and pediatricians. With a lively combination of storytelling, cartoons, and observations from their workshops, they provide concrete tools and tips that will transform your relationship with the children in your life.

What do you do with a little kid who…won’t brush her teeth…screams in his car seat…pinches the baby...refuses to eat vegetables…throws books in the library...runs rampant in the supermarket? Organized by common challenges and conflicts, this book is an essential manual of communication strategies, including a chapter that addresses the special needs of children with sensory processing and autism spectrum disorders.

This user-friendly guide will empower parents and caregivers of young children to forge rewarding, joyful relationships with terrible two-year-olds, truculent three-year-olds, ferocious four-year-olds, foolhardy five-year-olds, self-centered six-year-olds, and the occasional semi-civilized seven-year-old. And, it will help little kids grow into self-reliant big kids who are cooperative and connected to their parents, teachers, siblings, and peers.
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  1. Part of series
    The How To Talk Series
  2. Print length
    449 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  5. Publisher
    Scribner
  6. Publication date
    January 10, 2017
  7. File size
    18401 KB
  8. Page Flip
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  9. Word Wise
    Enabled
  10. Enhanced typesetting
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  11. See all details
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  1. Children need us to validate their feelings so they can become grown-ups who know who they are and what they feel. We are also laying the groundwork for a person who can respect and not dismiss the needs and feelings of other people.
    Highlighted by 4,206 Kindle readers
  2. The problem is suggests that there is a problem that can be solved without sweeping away the feelings.
    Highlighted by 3,962 Kindle readers
  3. The gift we can give them is to not get in the way of their process by jumping in with our reactions: advice, questions, corrections. The important thing is to give them our full attention and trust them to work it out.
    Highlighted by 3,318 Kindle readers
  4. The next time your kid says something negative and inflammatory, follow these steps: 1. Grit your teeth and resist the urge to immediately contradict him! 2. Think about the emotion he is feeling 3. Name the emotion and put it in a sentence
    Highlighted by 3,293 Kindle readers
  5. All feelings can be accepted. Some actions must be limited!
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From the Publisher

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen
How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk
How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Customer Reviews
4.7 out of 5 stars
302
4.7 out of 5 stars
11,610
Price $13.61 $10.23
More books in the bestselling How to Talk parenting series From tantrums to technology to talking to kids about tough topics, How To Talk When Kids Won’t Listen offers concrete strategies for these and many more difficult situations. The ultimate “parenting bible” (The Boston Globe)—a timeless, beloved book on how to effectively communicate with your child

Editorial Reviews

From School Library Journal

Parent and educator Faber, with educator King, picks up where esteemed mom Adele Faber (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen) left off with this updated "survival guide" for talking to little kids and gaining compliance. Her wisdom is in the same affectionate and funny style of mom: "Enough with all the talk about feelings. It's lovely to know we're enhancing our children's confidence…but we still have to get our kids to do things." Faber zeroes in on the most common (and irritating) things and tactics little ones employ, and provides caregivers with a clear and supportive path to holding their own. From tattling ("snitches and whistleblowers") to runaways ("kids who take off in the parking lot and other public places"), the authors describe exactly what life with little kids is like and make neither excuses nor pedagogical pronouncements; their advice is always supportive, appropriate, and ultimately best for the parking lot escapee in question. VERDICT Parents should not be put off by this volume's length. The "How To Talk" books are treasures to read. All libraries should acquire and recommend with gusto.—Julianne Smith, Ypsilanti District Library, MI

Review

"Yes, the How to Talk tools work for young children! It is never too soon to reflect children's emotions, acknowledge their wishes, and see things from their perspective. Faber and King are like wise, calm friends that arrive just in time to help you through the toughest moments, with no judging or shaming. In fact, they have just as much empathy for parents as they have for children. They understand that punishment and control are dead ends, and they offer a clear path towards cooperation and connection."--Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting

"This helpful gem of a book guides parents and other caregivers to tune in to the internal worlds of young children to allow their minds to be seen and respected. With practical suggestions and useful illustrations, the authors clearly convey these important steps to guiding our children's development. Cultivating such mindsight for our youth is essential to creating a kinder and more resilient next generation."--Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Author, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human and Executive Director, Mindsight Institute

"Faber and King have done the impossible! This guide to how to talk so little kids will listen is BRILLIANT. Every parent needs to read this book because it teaches skills that are solidly based on research. The book is magnificent."--John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

“Relatable and authentic… [Faber’s and King’s] creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous child-rearing dilemmas.’”--Publishers Weekly

"Wonderful...reader-friendly [and] a truly indispensable book for parents and for anyone else who interacts with young children.”--Work and Family Life

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B01CO348EO
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Scribner; Illustrated edition (January 10, 2017)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 10, 2017
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 18401 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 449 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 150113163X
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 9,636 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Julie King

    Julie King

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    Julie King is the co-author, with Joanna Faber, of the new book How To Talk When Kids Won't Listen: Whining, Fighting, Meltdowns, Defiance, & other Challenges of Childhood, as well as the best selling book, How To Talk So LITTLE Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7, which has been translated into 22 languages world-wide. She and Joanna also collaborated on the companion app HOW TO TALK: Parenting Tips in Your Pocket, and the app Parenting Hero.

    Julie leads workshops in person and online, consults with parents of children ages two to teens by phone and video, and speaks publicly to schools, businesses and parent groups across the United States and internationally. She received her AB from Princeton University and a JD from Yale Law School. Julie and her husband live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where they are visited now and then by their three grown children. Visit her website at www.julieking.org, on Facebook @faberandking, or in Instagram @HowToTalk.forParents.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Joanna Faber

    Joanna Faber

    Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.
    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Joanna Faber is the coauthor, with Julie King, of the book, How To Talk When Kids Won’t Listen: Whining, Fighting, Meltdowns, Defiance, & Other Challenges of Childhood, as well as the best-selling book, How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7, which has been translated into 22 languages world-wide. She and Julie also created the app HOW TO TALK: Parenting Tips in Your Pocket, a companion to their book, as well as the app Parenting Hero. Joanna writes, gives lectures and leads workshops in the U.S. and internationally. Visit Joanna and Julie at HowToTalkSoLittleKidswillListen.com or on Facebook: @faberandking.

    Joanna has a Master’s degree in Special Education and taught bilingual special education students in West Harlem for ten years. She is the daughter of internationally acclaimed, best-selling author and parent educator Adele Faber. She contributed heavily to her mother’s award-winning book, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn, with her front line experience in the classroom. She also wrote an afterword for the thirtieth anniversary edition of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.

    She and her husband raised three sons in the Hudson Valley region of New York, along with dogs, cats, and an assortment of chickens.

    See more on the author's page
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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
9,636 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the content very helpful for learning and application purposes, with tools for letting out emotions safely. They also appreciate the easy readability, doable advice, and summary of each chapter into bullet points at the end. Readers describe the book as a great guide to communicating with children in a way that respects their feelings. They say it makes it fun to be a parent with great suggestions for validating feelings and overcoming communication issues. Customers also love the examples of real stories from parenting classes.

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ContentReadabilityPersonal developmentFamily relationshipsRealismEnjoymentValue
223 customers mention "Content"217 positive6 negative

Customers find the book's content helpful for learning and application purposes. They also appreciate the actionable suggestions and good examples. Readers say the book presents tools and methods in an easy to understand way. They find the content engaging and not boring. However, some ideas seem impractical and the book works well for what it's intended to do.

"...on what parents might say or kids might say really helps me absorb the information! I would highly recommend this book...." Read more

"...Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what..." Read more

"...Problem solving is a valuable life skill, and I know that when I see other parents use 'clever' ways to help their child work their way through..." Read more

"...of the lessons might sound familiar but the authors do a great job of using examples and being very clear...." Read more

107 customers mention "Readability"99 positive8 negative

Customers find the book easy to read, relate to, and follow. They appreciate the practical tips and examples with summaries. They also appreciate the well organized presentation and the simple, down to earth writing. Readers also mention that the book is fun to read and the recommendations are accompanied by dialogue examples and real life stories.

"...by little quotes, different fonts or even comics, it makes my reading so much more enjoyable. I started reading it shortly after I received it...." Read more

"I've only read chapter 1 so far but I like the vibe of the authors, and I'm hopeful it will help! I appreciate the approach to child rearing." Read more

"...How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that..." Read more

"...familiar but the authors do a great job of using examples and being very clear...." Read more

71 customers mention "Personal development"71 positive0 negative

Customers find the book a great guide to communicating with children in a way that respects their feelings. They say the authors appreciate the reality of parenting and offer a chapter on when it really hits. Readers say the styles of communication are easy to adapt and very natural.

"...I appreciate the approach to child rearing." Read more

"...There is no resentment, there is listening, there is communication, and then there are the tools put in place on how to handle the difficulty in the..." Read more

"...no expert, but I'm practicing the skills and we have seen a huge improvement in the kids...." Read more

"This has so many great relatable things for new moms ! I will be recommending to all the new moms I know." Read more

28 customers mention "Family relationships"28 positive0 negative

Customers find the book has great suggestions for validating feelings and overcoming communication issues. They say it improves relationships with children and makes it fun to be a parent. Readers also say the book gives them a better chance for peace. They appreciate the engaging, light-hearted tone and mention that it saves grace.

"...This book has helped strengthen my parenting ability so much and I have had so many light bulb moments when listening to this book (via audible)...." Read more

"...this book teaches you to do, among other things, is to help your child manage their emotions, better understand the world, and to problem solve...." Read more

"...The advice in this book transformed everything - it made it fun to be a parent! No more hitting and throwing...." Read more

"...tools for interacting with young children that foster positive relationships and behavior...." Read more

18 customers mention "Realism"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book practical, realistic, and honest. They also appreciate the chapter recaps at the end.

"...Other days not as great. I like the writing style. I like the realism. I like the strategies." Read more

"Liked the book is full of real stories and so many types of situations. I wish I had this book 33 years ago. Will..." Read more

"...Real, practical uses and information on respectful/gentle parenting." Read more

"...I put the advice into practice as I read it. I loved all the examples of real stories from her parenting classes." Read more

13 customers mention "Enjoyment"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book pleasantly hilarious and fun to read. They also appreciate the great ideas.

"...I've been reading it and it makes me laugh, squirm, and nod my head...." Read more

"...This book is so funny which is a huge plus. I highly recommend! I couldn’t even wait to finish the book to write this review...." Read more

"...It is easy to read and extremely entertaining!! I have been laughing the WHOLE time! I wish I could afford to buy this for all of the moms I know...." Read more

"...Plus it's a fun, easy read!" Read more

9 customers mention "Value"9 positive0 negative

Customers find the book worth the buy and to keep.

"...It’s worth the buy!!" Read more

"...The book is well written an worth it. Buy buy buy buy buy!" Read more

"This book has a number of useful tools. It is definitely worth it! It has helped us and I hope it will help you too!" Read more

"...Worth a read if you're looking for some fresh perspectives on these challenging little ones' development!" Read more

A Better Way To Respond = Great Behavior!!
5 out of 5 stars
A Better Way To Respond = Great Behavior!!
When my kids, now 26 and 23 years old, were younger, I read “how to talk so kids Will listen and listen so kids will talk“.Now I am a nanny of a toddler, 2 1/2 years old, and a baby, Nine months old. This book has helped me to avoid the frequent arguments, meltdowns, jealousy, and throwing incidents that constantly occur with the 2 1/2 yr old.I was delighted when I learned that the authors are the daughters of the first book’s authors!! They have done an incredible job!! A must have book for every Nanny, Mom, Dad, Grandma & Grandpa!!!
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Top reviews from the United States

ryan savage
5.0 out of 5 stars 10 pages in and I’m hooked!
Reviewed in the United States on July 18, 2024
Verified Purchase
When I first received this book, I did a quick flip to a random page. I saw a short comic about “Tools for Resolving Conflict”. I enjoy reading but when the books are broken up by little quotes, different fonts or even comics, it makes my reading so much more enjoyable. I started reading it shortly after I received it. Like I said in my title, I’m on page 10 and I’m hooked! The way the author has worded things and given examples on what parents might say or kids might say really helps me absorb the information! I would highly recommend this book. Especially for parents with a strong willed child (like my 5 year old daughter). It’s worth the buy!!
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great helpful book
Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2024
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I've only read chapter 1 so far but I like the vibe of the authors, and I'm hopeful it will help! I appreciate the approach to child rearing.
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Rachel B.
5.0 out of 5 stars This book has done nothing less than change my relationship with my 5 year old!
Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2017
Verified Purchase
Ok, so I’ve been wanting to write a review for this book since I received it – when it first came out – but I can’t find it in my house. I think that my child took it and is reading it so that he can learn all our tricks. Haha. My child doesn’t actually read yet but I am lucky I did before it went missing because it has done no less than change my relationship with him.

How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain. The real-life examples could easily have come from my family. For example, the child who wants something that fell into a crack in his car seat and it is inaccessible to him and to me, the driver. Joanna and Julie give great advice on how to respond to difficult situations with little kids that could easily cause a major meltdown.

For example, when the thing falls into the crack in the car seat and I can’t reach it, in the past my child would start yelling and screaming and then move into a full-on tantrum. I always felt that I had two choices:
1: I could pull over and stop, get out of the car, open the door where his car seat is, and retrieve the thing. That would stop the tantrum before it starts, but it would teach him that he is welcome to have his way whenever he threatens me with a tantrum.
Or, 2: I could not get the thing, tell him to live with it for the 10 minutes (or whatever) until we get to where we are going. That response would surely invite crying escalating, into a full-on, inconsolable tantrum as the ride went on. I would have to listen to the screaming for the whole ride and then deal with it when we got to where we are going.

Julie and Joanna suggest a great third response: agree with my child that the thing is really important. Tell him that I wish I could reach the car seat to retrieve it. Then really get dramatic with it: talk about having a button on the dashboard that I could just push and a hundred of those things would magically appear! And then ask what we could do with a hundred of those things, until my child is so caught up in the fantasy that he has forgotten how much he wants the thing and we get to where we are going safe, sound, and happy. I’ve actually had to do this a number of times since reading the book. My child’s response still amazes me every time!

It sounds like magic, but it’s not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen gives lots of ideas, stories and examples of how to do this in any number of difficult situations. I do want to be clear, this isn’t magic, and sometimes even the best skills don’t produce sunny results. But more often than not, as a result of the skills I was able to pick up from this book, I can at least head off tantrums and other bad behavior before it starts, even if my child isn’t all smiles.
773 people found this helpful
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David H. Darden
4.0 out of 5 stars Update: Better upon further reading
Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2024
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So my first impression of this book was negative. But upon further reflection I do see the value in this, especially with younger children or delayed children who have trouble navigating conflict. I like how this book helps us to teach and model problem solving in lieu of the knee jerk reaction of remedial punishment. It is a discipline that will grow parents and educate children. Remedial punishment should be a last resort, and hopefully one that can be avoided. Problem solving is a valuable life skill, and I know that when I see other parents use 'clever' ways to help their child work their way through conflict, I look on with admiration. There is no resentment, there is listening, there is communication, and then there are the tools put in place on how to handle the difficulty in the future. All good things!
9 people found this helpful
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Megan R.
5.0 out of 5 stars It seems obvious but is really helpful!
Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2024
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This book is an easy and approachable read. A lot of the lessons might sound familiar but the authors do a great job of using examples and being very clear. This book is relatable and accessible and I truly recommend this to parents. I follow plenty of parents and psychologists on instagram but this book takes it to another level that is very helpful.
7 people found this helpful
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Marcella
5.0 out of 5 stars Information is amazing and relatable
Reviewed in the United States on April 27, 2024
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This book is amazing these women know what they are talking about!!! Such a wonderful insight! Can’t wait to put what I learned into practice.
2 people found this helpful
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Zas
5.0 out of 5 stars Step up your parenting game
Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2020
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I read the long and detailed developmental book which let me know my kids are all "normal" as far as "normal" can be. The problem was that sometimes they got in trouble-- like a lot-- at school or daycare. I needed something to help me get across to them the morale code I wanted them to learn. I was really worried at times.

So this book did help me with strategies to talk to the children so they would listen. It was a little repetitive, but if you get over the fact that the core strategies repeat, there is a HUGE amount of examples that let you see each of those strategies from different parental viewpoints, different ages of the kids, different amount of kids in the family, boys & girls, and different combinations of all that and in between. It gives a multitude of examples of these strategies for different real life issues as well: going to the grocery store, potty training, sibling rivalry, kids "on the spectrum" (autism, adhd, etc...), from toddlers all the way to pre-teens.

I can catch myself taking a big breath when I catch myself getting upset/mad, and using that looonnnggg deep breath to come up with a quick strategy, starting from the first step, all the way to problem solving. Taking a sip of coffee or water would in theory work too. No one expects you to talk while you are taking a big breath or drinking.

I'm still no expert, but I'm practicing the skills and we have seen a huge improvement in the kids. It's a marathon, not a sprint, but you can see immediate improvements by starting to utilize these tricks/strategies. Good luck. I highly recommend the book, albeit its a long one. It is designed so that once you get past the core ideas, you can skip around according to the index chapters.

-Husband and father of 3.
28 people found this helpful
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Ramayane
5.0 out of 5 stars All parents and teacher should read this book!
Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2024
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Excellent book with useful tips for parents and teachers!
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Top reviews from other countries

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Evelyn
5.0 out of 5 stars Very useful
Reviewed in Canada on March 20, 2024
Verified Purchase
Very helpful! I love that it gives you sentences to say to your child. I didn’t find it natural to use this truthful advices, so at the beginning, I would write down sentences to say in situations that we struggled on regular basis, on a piece of paper. And literally read it out loud to my child for my brain to change it’s pattern in my responses. And I always got my child’s attention because I was reading something
2 people found this helpful
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Violeta
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente livro de educação
Reviewed in Spain on August 7, 2024
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Livro muito útil, muito prático, que ajuda efectivamente a lidar com crianças pequenas no dia a dia.
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Shathish Kumar
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing book!
Reviewed in India on July 10, 2024
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This book is life changing! Not only it gives you valuable tools to mitigate daily parenting needs, but your can also apply these techniques to adults too. As an introvert I always struggled to speak with people, but this book has given me some useful tools which are really life changing for me. I thank the authors for writing such a wonderful book. I'm planning to buy the rest of the books in the "How to talk" series.
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Davorin
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful
Reviewed in Germany on March 27, 2024
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Easy to read, helpful advice.
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Hannah
5.0 out of 5 stars A brilliant book with lots of practical advice!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 15, 2024
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This book was so helpful for my 5 and 8 year olds. I'd been meaning to read it for ages and am so glad I finally have. I've already tried out many of the suggestions and they completely work. A brilliant book and essential reading for all parents!
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