Rihanna is a pandemic.

Hell is Billy Corgan's voice.

So far my favorite presidential hopeful's wife is a dead heat between Mary Kaye Huntsman and Marcus Bachmann.

Please tell me all these grown men excited about a "skyrim" has something to do with the Mile High Club.

Trimming the tree. I knew I'd find a use for all these sets of Truck Nutz.

#YouWasSexyUntil I realized you were apparently illiterate.

Cialis commercial = old people touching hands while making burgers. Rain. Then sex in a ferris wheel.

If you surprise me with a Lexus be prepared to be dragged behind it.

The eyes of Eli Manning are an empty and vacant place.

There are some 35–45 year old men who think Cyber Monday means something else...

Black Magic Friday

Basting a 32lb turkey stuffed with a 57oz porterhouse.

Giving thanks that your country has less to be thankful for than it did last year.

Americans are a sadistic bunch, creating an overeating holiday to celebrate white people stealing from brown people.

R.Patz somehow makes Tom Cruise in "Interview w/a Vampire" look like the most macho dude alive.

If you are looking to pick up on a plethora of girls w/self-esteem issues tonight is the night to go to the movies.

It's hard to be intimidating when your boots keep making fart sounds when you walk.

Hey Demi, you dropped the zero now get with the hero.

It's becoming obvious that Burt Reynolds & Kenny Rodgers have the same plastic surgeon.

I hate to break it to you, but if it's taken Edward 4 movies to seal the deal w/Bella then the dude is probably gay