“Melinda? Are you down there in the basement?”
No! Shut the door!
“Oookay, well, I’m asking because I just found this human-sized rag doll in your bed, and the Slumberjack Emergency Cot seems to be missing.”
Coincidence! I’m somewhere else!
“Melinda, is this about zombies again?”
Don’t say that word! They’ll hear it! They'll think you called them! Zombies always respond to invitations. They’re very polite.
“Zombies aren’t that smart, Melinda, they can’t understand language. It’s not like they’re Voldemort or something.”
No! You’re only making it worse!
“Fine, fine, I’m sorry. But it’s gonna be a long time before the zombies reach our house. Are you really planning to hide down there forever?”
I’m not down here. But if I was, I’d certainly be able to stay. I’ve got pudding cups, beef jerky, twelve boxes of 7.62 NATO rounds, and this Slumberjack Emergency Cot which is very solid and easy to assemble. Also there’s a special ‘No-Squeak’ aluminum frame with steel reinforced end bars so it’s super quiet, unlike you. Can’t you just go away? You’re going to ruin everything!
“Melinda, you can’t spend the rest of your life hidden in the basement, yelling about zombies and sleeping on a cot while you eat pudding and clean your rifle.”
Why not? That’s almost literally the entire Constitution summed up in one sentence!
”...okay, I can’t argue that point. Good luck, I suppose. Should I close the door?”
Yes, please.
